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So you want to be a cool parent, huh? Don’t we all? Listen, I can help you out. Just follow me into this alleyway. But I have to warn you, things are gonna get a little bit dark. Now, if you want to be a cool parent, odds are good that involves Fortnite some kinda way. Maybe a Fortnite party? Well we have you covered. The hyperlinks scattered through this post will give you all sorts of ideas. But this one is the kicker. It’s delicious, and fun, and your kids will love it. What I have here is very special. It’s a Fortnite-inspired banana mango Peely smoothie. So your kids can pretend to be Jonesy themselves. Who is Jonesy, you ask? Read on, my friend. Read on.
The story so far
Ahh, Jonesy. You’ve been through a lot. For the uninitiated, he just took a swim through time, and the world he returned to is… kind of messed up. And getting messier. Before that, he predicted a massive battle between a giant monster and a bear-headed robot.
After going crazy due to being locked in a vault (to escape an erupting volcano) for an indeterminate amount of time. During which, he turned his best friend into a delicious smoothie. *record scratch* Wait, what? Yes, if you aren’t keeping up with Fortnite lore, one of the main default character skins, named Jonesy, drank his best friend last season. Now, it’s not that horrible, said friend was a giant banana, after all.
Okay, that’s still pretty horrible. How could you eat someone that adorable? Bear and Bug still haven’t forgiven Jonesy for that.
But since I’m the greatest parent ever, my first thought was “We need to make our own banana smoothies, and make them look like Peely!” Bear and Bug still haven’t forgiven me for that. But we did it, and it’s really easy. And actually probably healthful, too. Just don’t tell your kids. Anyway, even if you don’t care about any of this, (which you don’t need to,) you can still have a great tasting Peely smoothie. Just follow the instructions.
Here’s what I need you to bring.
It’s pretty simple. Just help me out with some stuff. (These amounts produced about three solid red plastic party cups worth. You can shrink the cups and increase the amounts to cater to your specific needs.)
- Yogurt, 2 cups. I used regular vanilla. You could go fat-free, but I like the regular kind so you don’t have to add any sugar, if you don’t want to.
- Bananas, 2. (Duh)
- Mango, 1. The regular sized mangoes.
- Orange juice, 1 cup.
- Clear plastic cups.
- Swirly straws.
- Tiny drink umbrellas. Do no attempt to use full-sized umbrellas. This almost never works.
- Permanent markers, Black and Red.
Here’s what I need you to do
It’s pretty easy. Peel the fruit, throw it in a blender. Then add your yogurt and your oj. Next, you blend it up. This will give you a drink that is about the consistency of a milkshake. Add more oj if you want it to be a bit more drinkable. The best part is, these taste great just like this. You don’t need to add any sugar. Because if you are having a party for a bunch of kids, the last thing you want to do is give them more sugar.
Now, while you are doing that,
I guess that wasn’t really a subheading, was it? Forging ahead, while that is going, or after, or whatever, you need to put some faces on some cups. This part is stupid easy. Just draw two little black circles. Then fill them in. Next, draw a half oval below, but don’t fill it in yet. First, draw another half circle on the bottom of the oval. Color in this last part red, and the rest of the mouth black. Finally, two little arcs for his eyebrows.
He should look thrilled. And he is. Peely is always so happy, even when he’s a beverage. Stick a straw and a pink umbrella in, and that’s it. You’re done.
Whip up a batch of these, throw down a plate of Durrr Burgers, and have some SofDeeZ sundaes, and you got yourself a solid Fortnite party. Sorry, what’s that? You need a cake for it to be a real party? We have you covered. Just wait ’til next week. (please note, as it is still this week, not next week, that link doesn’t lead you to a cake. Instead, it takes you to a delightful Star Wars gift guide that I wrote last year. Read it. It’s more entertaining than you think.) And don’t forget to have your kids, or you, use the creator code Jimmymoog in the item shop.
If you are still horrified at what Jonesy did, don’t worry. Remember that whole time-travel thing I mentioned? Well Peely is back, and just fine. But he hasn’t forgotten.